Not Broken Yet
by AddictionHigh1
Summary: What are JJ's thoughts when she's forced to leave the BAU? **Spoilers for season 6


**First published: Jan 17, 2011**

 **Author's Note: I wrote this after literally sobbing after JJ left. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are my own, and there'll probably be a few as I wrote the whole thing in like, 10 minutes. However, although my style of writing hasn't been altered in any way, I have corrected any grammar and spelling mistakes I've noticed.**

 **Author's Note: Please be aware this is a republish. No edits have been made since it was first written and published in 2011. Please let me know what you think by reviewing! It'd really help me to continue writing, and improve!**

 **Spoilers: 6X02 'JJ' Some quotations too.**

This is not over. The Pentagon offered me the job twice before and I didn't even bother telling Hotch, let alone discuss it with the team. I knew what my answer would be. I couldn't leave here, we're not just a team of profilers, we're not just friends who work together. We are a family. And nothing breaks up a family; not for long. It'll be just visits to start with, but I'll be back. Nothing can keep me away from here. Nothing can keep me from my family. Garcia said it herself, she knows where I live. Rossi couldn't have been more wrong though. Rossi said their loss is somebody else's gain. The BAU may have lost me, but no way have the pentagon gained me. They won't know what's hit them. I won't be JJ there. I won't be the hardworking, dedicated to her work, sympathetic, caring Jennifer Jareau the BAU. I'll be Jenny. The self-absorbed, sloppy, sarcastic, uncaring bitch everybody hates and wants the boss to fire. Nobody has ever seen this side of me, but hey, I'm full of surprises.

I just can't believe this. Strauss has tried breaking up the team before; it's all politics to her; but this is above even her head. Sure, she wants me to go. It's a promotion which means it'll look good on her being the section chief. But even if she didn't want me to go, it'd be above her head. Everyone's upset and unhappy about this, no one more than me, but they don't understand. They say it's a good thing for me as it'll mean more money for me. But they don't understand. My salary hasn't changed since I've had Henry, and I've managed just fine. I don't need more money. In fact, I could earn less money and still live comfortably. There's one good thing about all this. I'll be in DC more which means I'll see Garcia more. I'll be able to see her when the rest of the team are aware on a case. Oh God! I'm hardly going to see Emily, or Spencer, or Derek, or Dave, or Hotch. Oh God. I don't know what's going to happen to them, what this has done to them. Emily's walls, which we had all slightly broken down, bounced back so quickly, to see it happen, you'd have to watch it in slow motion and in high definition. Spencer. It's completely broken Spence. All her said was that they couldn't do it. I couldn't leave the team. I wouldn't be surprised if it had the same effect as the Hankel case did on him. Although, even though it breaks my heart to leave, it'll break my heart even more to see him like that again. Derek and Dave, I think it'll effect, and has already effected, in similar ways. They were both devastated to know I was leaving because, like Hotch said, no one could ever replace me. But ultimately, they were happy for me, because I deserved the job. Maybe I do deserve the job, but that doesn't mean I want it. I want to stay here, and eventually, it's where I'll be again. It's hard to say how this job has affected Hotch. He's always so professional- to say goodbye, he shook my hand. But you could still see his emotions. See how he felt through the fact he said he wouldn't hire anyone to replace me. It means it'll be easier for me to get my job back though, not that I've told anyone my plan.

God! I'll miss them all so much. Everything that's happened here in the last 6, well, almost 7, years have been amazing. Sure, there's been downsides like Elle and Garcia being shot, but they didn't die. Admittedly, Elle fared slightly worse in the long run, not recovering fully psychologically, and having to leave the team, but hey, we got Em from it. Garcia though, it was almost a good thing. It gave her a new appreciation for life: not that she really needed it, and she got to meet Kevin which is another bonus. There have been some crappy cases while I've worked here, but they've mostly been good.

I don't think I'll ever forget my last case. Kate's suspects passed the polygraph, we almost had to let them go. But thanks to Reid's amazing-ness, we figured out where Kate must be and found her alive. After 3 days at sea alone with no food or water, she survived. I like to think her brother was looking down and keeping her safe. They found her, clinging to a buoy. I remember telling her parents. Her mom hugged me with such a force, I stumbled backwards. Kate's dad said at the beginning, when I looking through the photo album, I don't know what it's like to lose a child. God! I hope I never find out; without the team anymore, Henry is my sole purpose for living. I knew it was my last case with the BAU, I knew it when Kate's dad said he wanted Kate to meet me. I said I'd like that; I didn't have the heart to tell him I would never be able to because I was leaving. There's so much about working there that I'll miss. I'll miss sleeping in uncomfortable hotel beds. I'll miss getting up at 5 on a case after only going to my hotel room at 2. I'll even miss seeing all the grotesque cases the profilers have no idea about. But most of all, I'll miss my family. The family that has been torn apart. We've been through a lot together, no one can take that away from us. No one can take away what we've learned as a result.

 _I'm thankful for my years spent with this family, for everything we've shared, for every chance we had to grow. I'll take the best of them with me, and lead by their example; wherever I go. A friend told me to be honest with you, so here it goes. This isn't what I wanted, but I'll take the high road. Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson, or because I don't want to walk around angry. Or maybe it's because I finally understand. There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don't want to know, but have to learn, and people we can't live without, but have to let go._


End file.
